OM NOM NOM!!!!

I want cheesy potatoes…

In a bad way…

With bacon…

This is what’s running through my head like a mantra this morning thanks to my newly revised struggle resolution to achieve this…

(Thank you, Pinterest Home Page, for always posting such similar images when I’m in the middle of a food pinning binge. The guilt feels nice.)

Maybe it’s not so much a resolution as it is a continuous cycle that started back when gas cost $1.09 a gallon, O.J. was acquitted, and Montell Jordan showed us how we do it. Needless to say it’s been a constant battle with more physical and emotional ups and downs than an episode of the Bachelor (well, maybe a tie)

It always seems to ramp up this time every year though with the start of a new year and new goals (usually after a particularly brutal holiday season). Fresh year, fresh start, fresh fruits! It all jives, right?

I know I will likely never have the body as seen above and it’s truly more about being healthy than being thin. It doesn’t make it any easier to rid myself of that ideal image. Just chalk it up to a form of motivation and work with it right?

One of the hardest obstacles I find though is getting past that initial New Year’s hungriness (and as a direct result, crankiness). Right now I find myself in that place where I just want to eat everything in sight. These are the times that even the weeks old English muffin sitting in my fridge covered in some sort of green fuzzy frosting, starts to look the slightest bit appetizing. Each time I keep telling myself that if I just control myself, eat only good and healthy snacks, then my stomach will eventually shrink to a decent normal size after heavy holiday meal abuse. I’m waiting, stummy!

(Promise me one thing though. If I ever become one of those women who eats half a pea and says she’s full, please feel free to shove a steak sandwich down my throat.)

The process has been a long time going, but it has worked for me. For someone who has always battled with her genetics, I’m at a healthier weight than I’ve ever been before. I’m more active now than I ever was back in school. It’s also helped me in turn to become more confident and happy in myself. I know it’s not all about what’s on the outside, but when you’re not entirely happy with what’s on the outside it’s harder for that inside confidence to shine. I'm not quite where I want to be yet, but it's getting closer and closer by the decade!!

In the meantime, while I wait, I will sit here and chug my water like a fiend. I will walk to the fridge multiple times in an evening and open it just to make sure it’s all still there. I will exercise a ridiculous amount and hope the burnout holds off as long as it can. I will allow myself some rewards every now and then for my good behavior, lest I lose self-control entirely some lonely weekend night and eat a whole pizza myself (I've never done this, ever....~shifty eyes~).

And I will dream of this:

~in my mind~ It's so worth it, it's so worth it.........